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56 Best Madea Quotes and Sayings - Get Life Lessons in a Funny Way

We have collected some best funny madea quotes and madea sayings that are perfect for your next photo captions for instagram pictures or bio.

    Funny Madea Quotes and Sayings That are perfect for your next Instagram Captions for Images Post and BIO

    • “Hell to the yeah!”
    • “You lucky I didn’t shoot your a$s!”
    • “Boo 2 a Madea Halloween.”
    • “The pain is good, as long as you’re not laughing.”
    • “Old loves are dropped when new ones come.”
    • “Madea Catch Phrases.”
    • “When a lady walk in you say “hellur!” Hellur?!”
    • “He had to make it drizzle ’cause he couldn’t make it rain.”
    • “Madea big happy family.”
    • “God doesn’t like you… He grew you in a petri dish!”
    • “Put the shut, to the upOkay? Shut to the up.”
    • “Madea quotes hallelujer.”
    • “Love is stronger than any addiction, baby; hell, it is one.”
    • “I’m Madea! Ma to the damn D-E-A!”
    • “Madea quotes about leeting go love.”
    • “Damn! Your mama must be one of them Housewives.”
    • “I ain’t scared a no po poCall da po po hoeCall da po po hoe!”
    • “Boo a Madea Halloween.”


    Use These Madea Quotes about love life as your Madea Instagram Captions Post & Pictures

    “Bam, tinkling is for little peoplePissing is for big ass people like us!” – Madea 

    “Well when you gettin’ “got” and somebody done “got” you and you go “get” them, when you get ’em everybody’s gon’ get got.” – Madea 

    “I ain’t scared a no po poCall da po po hoeCall da po po hoe!” – Madea 

    “No, it ain’t the children, baby, it’s the parentsIt’s the *damn* parents, the parents I don’t understand.” – Madea 

    “You don’t want to be walking around with a slingshot up your butt.” – Madea 

    “Damn! Your mama must be one of them Housewives.” – Madea 

    “You ain’t gonna put me on no house arrest, honeyI ain’t gonna deal with that!” – Madea 

    “I’m Madea! Ma to the damn D-E-A!” – Madea 

    “You’re gonna wish that sperm did a backstroke when it met the egg that made you.” – Madea 

    “I’m a trick, she’s a treat, now get the hell on.” – Madea 

    “It will look like you got legs running up your back when I get done whooping your ass.” – Madea 

    “Don’t cuss, Madea, you in a church, don’t cuss, Madea… bind you, cussing demon! Cussing demon, I bind you!” – Madea 

    “Now I got silver hair, but I got silver bullets, tooDo you want one?” – Madea 

    “That’s right, so if you’ve been redeemed by the Lord, and somebody does something to you that you don’t like, even yo’ kids, you can beat the hell outta them and just say, ‘So?’ So that’s what I’m’a doI’m’a beat the hell outta them and say, ‘So?’ And I’m’a bring them over here ’cause you’ve been redeemed, aightIt makes perfect sense, don’t it? Halleluyer! Halleluyer!” – Madea 

    “Love is stronger than any addiction, baby; hell, it is one.” – Madea 

    “Drop the hammer on themThem teenage years, hellI’m telling ya, I keeps me a hammer.” – Madea 

    “Yeah, what do you mean “brownies for my brownie”? You trying to call me black or somethin’?” – Madea 

    “These stretch marks are a road map to heaven, hell if you follow this GPS it’s gon’ take you somewhere you ain’t never been before’.” – Madea 

    “If the parents were getting in charge of the children here, we wouldn’t be having all these issues.” – Madea 

    “You look like you came out of a box of chocolate Lucky Charms!” – Madea 

    “I told you, you don’t know how to lieWhat kinda lawyer don’t know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer… lie-awyer!” – Madea  

    “You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today?” – Madea 

    “Put the shut, to the upOkay? Shut to the up.” – Madea 

    “Cook a big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on himThen after you toss them, swat him with a frying panYou gotta get you a good balanced weight, toss and swat, toss and swat, Venus and Serena, that’s called grit ball.” – Madea 

    “Girl, I will set it off up in here! I will do a drive-by in this church… she don’t know me! You better be glad you at churchJesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!” – Madea 

    “God don’t like you… He grew you in a petri dish!” – Madea 

    “The hell’s wrong with these children today? But, all I set ’em straightYou know, I’m from the old school, and I will beat the hell out of you and ask questions laterIf you don’t know how to get in line, I will get you in line.” – Madea 

    “No matter what is going on in your life, you can always count on the Lord… or somebody.” – Madea 

    “He had to make it drizzle ’cause he couldn’t make it rain.” – Madea 

    “In front of all these children? You want me to confess all my sins in front of these men, I can’t do that, I’ll have them blushingYou don’t know what I used to do back in the day, honeyIt wasn’t funBam!” – Madea 

    “I’ve never been scared of anythingI’ve been big all my life, I had to be braveAll my life I had to fightI just ain’t ever planned on fighting in Brian’s house.” – Madea 

    “No, sit downDo what you do best, sit downJust stay right where you atJust plant your ass right there in that chairEvery time I come here, you sittin’ in that chairPeople waitin’ on their cars, you sittin’ in that chairYou supposed to be changin’ the oil, you sittin’ in that chairSupposed to be changin’ the windshield wiper blades, you sittin’ in that chairSupposed to wash the car, you sittin’ in that chairLet me tell you something: when you die, tell them people to bury you on your stomach to give your ass a break!” – Madea 

    “That’s what I’m trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat him down  more feet.” – Madea 

    “I don’t understand why people want to be a victimYour mama did this, your daddy did thatAll they had to do was give you life and however good or however bad it was, now it’s up to YOU to make something of it.” – Madea 

    “God takes too long sometimes for me, I got to get got then.” – Madea 

    “This is what your daddy was trying to tell you, this is what I was trying to make you understand, little girlYour parents ain’t lame because they say ‘don’t sneak out, don’t text and drive’, all that stuff is bad and you get people killed.” – Madea 


    Madea Quotes Pictures and Sayings about Relationship, Friends, Halloween, Movies & Family

    “When a lady walk in you say “hellur!” Hellur?!” – Madea 

    “Hell to the yeah!” – Madea 

    “That’s right, that’s rightWhoop herBaby, let me tell you something, I’m not telling you to go up there and abuse no child, even though I got a hammer in my purse, I’m just kidding about the hammer.” – Madea 

    “Exactly, how’s a man throw a woman out of her own house? No man would ever do that to me, he’d put me out half of the house, I’ll go live in the other half.” – Madea 

    “You’re in here going on about what your daddy did to youYour daddy is out there enjoying his life while you’re in prisonYou’re here because of what YOU did.” – Madea 

    “You can get it one of two waysYou can get it from his checking account voluntarily, or his insurance policyInvoluntary manslaughterWhich one is it gon’ be?” – Madea 

    “You lucky I didn’t shoot your ass!” – Madea 

    “Girl, that man owes you  billion,  million,  trillion,  thousand, and  dollars and  cents.” – Madea 

    “See, y’all Christians is somethin’… y’all go pull out that Bible, but y’all don’t know which prescripture to use for which situationYou got to find the right prescriptureThere’s a prescripture that says, “Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.” Have you been redeemed by the Lord?” – Madea 

    “That’s for hoesThat’s for all those women that never ever could pay taxes because they got their money illegally, so you put it all to the sideIt’s not a K, it’s a Ho-KThat’s what I got from back in the day when I was stripping.” – Madea 

    “But listen, what I’m trying to get you to understand is very very simple, sonHear me clearlyA little love tap never hurt nobody.” – Madea 

    “I had to give up candy to get candy, that’s what I had to do.” – Madea 

    “Ain’t no ‘oh no’, I’ma tell you right now, y’all children don’t understandLet me make this perfectly clear to you, honeyYou don’t be playing around, keep playing with the devil, he gonna show up.” – Madea 

    “Sometimes getting saved is like a bad perm, ReverendIt just don’t take!” – Madea 

    “Stronger than lover’s love is lover’s hateIncurable, in each, the wounds they make.” – Madea 

    “You have the skillWhat is more, you were born a woman, And women, though most helpless in doing good deeds, Are of every evil the cleverest of contrivers.” – Madea 

    “We must not think too much: people go mad if they think too much.” – Madea 

    “It is the thoughts of men that are deceitful, Their pledges that are loose.” – Madea 

    “The pain is good, as long as you’re not laughing.” – Madea 

    “Life is sometimes hard, and you have to laugh your way through it.” – Madea 

    “Of all creatures that can feel and think, we women are the worst treated things alive.” – Madea 

    “For in other ways a woman is full of fear, defenseless, dreads the sight of cold steel; but, when once she is wronged in the matter of love, no other soul can hold so many thoughts of blood.” – Madea 

    “Old loves are dropped when new ones come.” – Madea 

    “Better a humble heart, a lowly lifeUntouched by greatness let me live – and liveNot too little, not too much: there safety lies.” – Madea

     

    We have collected some best funny madea quotes and madea sayings that are perfect for your next photo captions for instagram pictures or bio.


    Final Words

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